There was a poster hanging on a coffee shop window. The top read “MISSING” in frantic letters. There was a picture of a girl. She looked like me at one point. Smiling and happy, in a cute sundress with her hair done nice.
And there I stood. Looking in the glass of the shop. I saw myself still in a dress but not with the same smile or bright eyes. My long dark hair a mess, my makeup smudged and tears on the verge of rolling down my face, wondering….Where did she go? The girl on the poster was smiling, looking like her only care in the world was how her hair looked. Looking like she had wonderful dreams and the best days. Like she had the most amazing friends and had plenty of places to go. Her eyes were bright and looked full of joy and happiness. She looked as if the only time she cried was when she might fall. I wanted what this girl had but I did not want to be her. I wanted her happy smile, I was tired of my eyes looking dull and sunken in. I wanted her bright joyful eyes. I wanted her confidence and pride, but I did not want her innocent ignorance.
And as I looked at the girl in the glass, who looked the same but was worried. Worried about what other people thought and said.
Through the glass of the shop I could see a happy couple, laughing and sharing a steaming cup of espresso. Seeing couples, being happy and cute left stabbing pains of the memories of the relationships and friends I used to have. I saw a stranger approaching on the sidewalk, I quickly straightened my hair and stood up straight. Why? Why did I just do that for someone I didn’t even know? I always was everyone’s shoulder to cry on, I was stressed from always being anywhere and everywhere someone needed me. I felt like an expensive pen that was great and everyone would love, until it ran out of ink. What is the use for a pen without ink? Nothing, you forget about a inkless pen.
And still all I felt was that I wasn’t good enough. My Eyes were never dry, I was tired and worn out. I had given up on being there for everyone anytime. I needed someone to be there for me, I needed someone to listen to me and understand how I felt. And I was tired of the feeling like this.
As I was standing there that’s when she approached me, It was my best friend. She gently rested her hand on my shoulder and said “So you have noticed? Can’t you see that we have missed you?” And in that moment is when she took my hand, there was a slight hesitation. But as I raised my eyes and to see the door. I took one small step and allowed her to lead me inside. I was tense and I was nervous, but as soon as my feet crossed that threshold and I was greeted by this comforting gust of warm air, and it was all ok again.